I pretend because it's easier and more effective than honesty. Humans are social creatures. We need a pack and pretending lubricates the social machine.
ON PHONE: "All of our representatives are busy at this time. You will be on hold for approximately 5 minutes." I put the earbuds in and let the corporate elevator music fade to the background. Might as well free up both hands while I wait.
DRIVING IN CAR: "I've seen that guy before! He's not looking good." The sight of him walking the sidewalk woke something in my gut.
ON PHONE: Finally a person on the line. Oh wait! Wrong person. "Hold a second while I transfer you!" Holding...holding...holding..."Sir, you still there?" I was. At this point I was too invested. If I hung up now it would void minutes of my life with a meaningless eraser. Holding...holding...holding.
DRIVING IN CAR: "That's where I know that kid." He wasn't really a kid but a young adult, mid twenties, sandy blond hair, transparent-like skin, his face mapped with acne. He walked slumped, head down, his left arm limp at his side, lagging behind the rest of his body as if the victim of a stroke. He looked bad.
ON PHONE: Finally, transfer complete! Oh wait! Wrong person. "Hold a second while I transfer you."
DRIVING IN CAR: I knew him from church, when I went to church, when I pastored a church. He had a mental illness, one that led him to dance on the fringe of stalking the college girls who attended. We'd talked to him a few times. Kindly threatened him to lay off.
ON PHONE: Finally, transfer complete - this time to the right customer service rep. I inform him that I want to change my phone plan to a business plan...which yesterday his company quoted at $45 per line! Time to make it official. I also informed him I had about two minutes before I needed to head out. "Mr Taylor, you need to know that when you call for a transfer it's going to take about twenty minutes to complete that transfer, and the $45 per line plan is for 5 or more lines."
I have two lines.
"For two lines it will be $80 per line."
DRIVING IN CAR: "He needs help! I wonder if he's alone, homeless, scared, sad?" That feeling in my gut had moved to a palpable taste in my mouth: hopelessness! Not hopelessness for me. For him. He would spend the rest of his days feeling about in the darkness of his mind searching for a flicker of light, finding that each flicker he spotted extinguished before he reached its locale. The only possible way out was for someone to go in, to step into his torment and wrestle him, drag him toward hope.
ON PHONE: "Yes, I understand it takes time to make a transfer which is why I started this phone call 30 minutes ago! Your company, yesterday, apparently gave me the wrong number to call and now you guys have played pinball with my time transferring me from wrong department to wrong department! And now I find out that the price your company quoted me is wrong."
"Who quoted you the price?"
"His name was Mike...but you can understand why I'm a bit frustrate!!." How dare he put it on me!
DRIVING IN CAR: But I won't help him. I won't step into his dark room. I won't wrestle him toward the light. I have delegated my resources elsewhere: to others and to myself.
I pretend because it's easier than being honest with myself, and then we have those moments.
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