Sometimes during this jolly festive season of rabid commerce, angry streets and of dying and resurrecting gargantuan blow-up yard Santas...tribes weaponize their season's greetings:
"Oh, did you just come at me with a 'Happy Holidays?' Well, I'm going to counter with a double barrel 'Merry Christmas!' That's right! JESUS 'tis the reason for the season!"
"You don't need a ''tis' when you have a 'Jesus' as the subject. Just say 'is.' ''Tis' is short for 'It is.' You wouldn't say, 'Jesus it is the reason for the season.' Forget the grammar lesson; how about I bowl a pagan Santa right through your nativity scene...
Maybe we find resolution by decking the town with mistletoe, encouraging some Happy Holidazers and Merry Christmasers to snuggle up and pucker up. Or, perhaps we go back to the "Christmas Story," or shall I say stories, itself.
When someone says, "I love the Christmas Story!" I want to ask, "Which one?"
"The one in the Bible," they say.
"Which one? Because there are two bible Christmas Stories and they are quite different."
When we recall the story of Jesus' birth we tend to marry the two accounts into one glorious narrative with a worshipping camel thrown in for good measure. Yet, when you strain the stories back to their original authors, when you read them straight through, you find very different and even contradictory accounts of the birth of Jesus.
Of the four gospels (biblical accounts of Jesus life) only two have something to say about the birth of Jesus. The earliest gospel, Mark, is silent. The latest gospel, John, launches Jesus into the comsosphere...into realms of demigods and eternity. That leaves the gospels of Matthew and Luke. Here's my retelling of the TWO stories of Christmas:
CHRISTMAS STORY ONE: MATTHEW (1:18-2:23)
Once upon a time...Joseph is engaged to Mary, but before they could "get it on," the Spirit of God placed an embryo in Mary's womb. Of course when Joseph found out she was pregnant, he figured some Milk Man type figure had done the deed, so he planned to call the whole thing off. Clearly, Mary had been unfaithful.
But a messenger from God hijacked his plans, explaining in a dream, "Hey! Relax Joey Bear. Mary hasn't been unfaithful. That baby she's carrying doesn't belong to some other Joe. God's Spirit placed that baby there. She's gonna have boy. You need to name him Jesus, because as you know Jesus means, savior. That boy will save his people from their sins." When Joseph woke, maybe after slapping himself around a bit, he married Mary but refrained from any hanky panky until baby Jesus arrived.
Jesus arrived in Bethlehem during King Herod's reign. After his birth, some eastern Magi (wise guys) traveled all the way to Jerusalem to see The King of Jews - their title for the newly arrived infant. They claimed a star rose into the night sky signifying to them the arrival of a baby king. They'd come to worship him and were asking around to see if anyone knew his 20.
Well...when this Herod guy, who considered himself The King of the Jews, heard some wise guys were looking for a different The King of Jews, he too got curious as to the king baby's locale. He called together ALL chief priests and teachers of the law and inquired of the baby's location.
"According to the prophets," they said, "in Bethlehem."
King Herod summoned the Magi and encouraged them to go to continue their baby scavenger hunt in Bethlehem so that he too might worship him. After meeting with King Herod, the baby's star served as a GPS device and guided the Magi to the house where the child was. They entered, worshipped, gifted and then returned east via another route for a messenger of God told them not to report back to Herod.
[Quick aside. Interesting...the wisemen who had already seen the star went into Jerusalem asking about the child's whereabouts and then were guided by the exact same star to the location of baby Jesus. Seems the star could have just guided them straight to baby Jesus in the first place and saved them the trouble of asking around which in turn would have kept Herod from hearing about it and there would be no need for the rest of this story...might even have saved a lot of lives. But, I digress.]
Once again, a messenger from God appears to Joseph, "Get out of Dodge (Bethelehem) and escape to Egypt. Herod plans to kill Jesus! Stay there until Herod dies." Joseph packs up Mary and the baby and heads to Egypt (several hundred miles away). When Herod heard he was out maneuvered by some Magi, he blows a gasket and orders the slaughter of ALL the boys two years and younger in Bethlehem and its suburbs.
After Herod's death, another of God's messengers informs Joseph its safe to return to Israel. Again, Joseph and the fam start heading back to Bethlehem when again a divine dream cautions Joseph to not go home. Apparently the new king was no safer than his father Herod. So instead Joseph moves his family to Nazareth in Galilee. And that's why Jesus is called a Nazarene.
CHRISTMAS STORY TWO: LUKE (1:26-2:40)
God sent his messenger, who goes by the name Gabriel, to Nazareth. He paid a visit to an engaged virgin, Mary. Gabriel told her, "You're legit and by the way you are about to be pregnant with a boy who you will name Jesus, and by the way, he will be called the Son of God."
"Uhmmm! I'm a virgin!?" Mary fairly responded.
"Don't worry about that technicality. God's spirit is going to put the embryo in the proper place!"
"Cool!" Mary said (A rough translation.)
Fast forward...Mary goes and sees her relative Lizzy. Lizzy's baby jumps in the womb. Mary Sings. Lizzy gives birth to John the Baptist, Zach sings...
Caesar Augustus calls for a census of the entire Roman world, but he wants everyone to return to their ancestor's home for the count. I'm not sure which ancestor's home. Their father's? Their great-great grandfathers? Oh well, for Jospeh, Mary's fiancé, it apparently meant former King David's home - Bethlehem. He took his fiancé with him. While in Bethlehem Mary goes into labor and gives birth and the town is so crowded with people, she has to wrap her firstborn and place him in a manger.
Meanwhile shepherds are out shepherding as they do, when a messenger of God appears and tells them, "Don't be scared. This is a great day! A savior is born, an anointed one...the Lord! And in case you can't identify which baby it is...he is the one laying in a feeding trough." Boom! The sky exploded and a whole chorus of angels worshipped God, "Glory to God in the highest heaven and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests."
Of course the shepherds headed straight to Bethlehem to see baby Jesus. They found the baby, the one resting in a manger and after a short visit left and spread the word about Jesus and what the angel had said regarding him.
Eight days later, the day of Jesus circumcision (congratulations) and also the time Mary and Joseph named him Jesus, they traveled to the Temple in Jerusalem to consecrate their firstborn to God. While there, an old man named Simeon prophesies over baby Jesus. After the old guy, an old lady who hadn't left the temple in 84 years prophesied over the child as well. After fulfilling all the legal requirements for a firstborn Mary and Joseph returned to Galilee to their OWN town of Nazareth.
Okay, yes, I recounted the stories in my own voice with my own biases, so go back and read them for yourself. Read them carefully! These are different accounts of the birth of Jesus. The more you read them, the more you will realize how different they are. Yes, there are a few major themes consistent in each story: Mary is engaged to Joseph. Mary is a virgin. The Holy Spirt impregnates Mary. The baby's name is Jesus. He was born in Bethlehem. His family settled in Nazareth. But beyond these staples the stories are radically dissimilar and even contradictory.
How can these two different Christmas stories help resolve the polarity of Merry Christmasers and Happy Holidazers?
Let me put my atheist cards on the table. The discrepancies and contradictions in the stories lead me to believe such stories were not built around historical facts but instead constructed around a theological conviction in need of a supportive narrative. Matthew and Luke's theological convictions demand a virgin birth in Bethlehem that end up with a Jesus of Nazareth. Matthew and Luke take very different and contradictory routes to get there. Major discrepancies in the Bible is one reason I no longer believe in the God of the Bible. There's my own bias.
On the other hand, there are many, many smart (far smarter than me) humans who do believe in the virgin birth and God who became man. They must confront and solve the issues of the two narrative accounts. Some do so by ignoring the differences and simply focusing on the message. Some seek to reconcile and harmonize them in various ways. Some adjust the way in which they read and understand the authority of scripture...but however they navigated the TWO Christmas stories, they believe. They believe in the CHRIST of Christmas.
All this to say, that even the gospels writers don't agree on the details of Jesus' birth. Perhaps this is enough for Christians to admit, "I see why someone might doubt the Christmas story." And in such recognition they might be willing to reciprocate a Happy Holidays, recognizing that in doing so they are not denying their belief in the incarnation of Christ, but rather acknowledging it's not as clear to everyone as it might be to them and with good reason.
And perhaps the non-christians can relax and reciprocate a Merry Christmas to those who do believe, realizing that in doing so they are not making a confession of faith but rather offering wishes of joy and good tidings in this season of gifts, trees, gathering and yes...for many a celebration of the birth of Jesus. Because whether you agree with the theological and historical claims of the Jesus story, I think we are all in favor of a world with more peace and forgiveness.
So...Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!
And Happy Kwanzaa!
And a little late, but Happy Hanukkah too!